Pile on the Floor
by Aiko Isari
Summary: [XW] Post-Series. Blood on his mouth, torrented skin, this isn't the hero he saw in the sky. And Ryouma realizes he doesn't have long to figure out what happened to his hero. Warnings inside.
1. Winter Months

**A/N:** Hi all, this is the response to the Tale in Fragments challenge where you have to tell a story in fragments of up to 800 words, using the prompts given. At the moment, I have twenty. The prompt used was 07. February.

Warnings: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, memory loss, regression, scarring, and allusion to self-harm.

There will be warnings at the beginning of every chapter, as they will vary depending on the chapter. This is a rather painful story to get through and for the sake of safety will be rated M. Thank you and please let me know what you think!

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1. Winter Months

The hospital was always cold when he came to visit there. Chilly with dying people, perhaps they kept the temperature low to kill them faster. Ryouma couldn't say, didn't dare to try. He just took the flowers with him, peony as always, and went to the room. He always could manage a smile at the worker at the front desk, but that was as far as he could go. Sometimes, they didn't even see him. He was so white and clear some days, he knew he blended into the wall.

He had been coming here since the end of December. Today was Valentine's Day. The snow still fell in gentle brushes, coating his hair like a nearly invisible net, and the outdoor chill turned his skin red where it wasn't covered by the scarf.

If it weren't for the inevitable quiet that came with the chill, he'd have thought he might hate it. But since winter never ended here, it just grew to be a necessary evil.

He reached the familiar door and knocked softly. "Can I come in?" There was a rustle on the other side, and he took a deep breath in preparation. Would it be on the floor today? Beneath the blanket? In the chair? His fingers shook on the crinkled plastic that held the flowers and the bag in his right hand. Ryouma could never know. One day, there was progress and another, a simple slide back down.

He waited still, waiting until there was a very quiet, "Please." to open the door. Then, he turned the knob slowly and eased the door open, wincing himself at the wailing of the hinges.

The patient sat on the bed, and mentally a great weight fell from his shoulders. Their knees were drawn up to their chest, and the arms hung limply around them, clasped like a promise. The eyes that greeted him were not hollow, not today, but looked more like fresh snow than the mush of run over frozen water that they usually do. In the pastel of the room, the childlike drawings mixed with the occasional jagged lines of red, which sometimes seemed to glow.

Not today.

"How have you been?" he asked the other, sitting down slowly in the chair that sometimes felt like wax. He took his time replacing the flowers, eagerly noting the way the other's eyes were fully attentive, grey and curious and observant to each repetitive movement of cutting and replacing the water. Ryouma did not see it as a step forward anymore, but a relief.

"Warmer, today," was the reply. The voice was small, tasting the air. "The kind woman said my legs were looking better."

"And your back?" No one spoke of the arms, the bandaged twigs.

There was a hum, and Ryouma paused in his wrapping of the dead flowers to wait for the answer. Beneath the bed came an excitable murmur and then the silence returned, thick with emotion.

"It feels better to sit up today," he finally heard and Ryouma smiled now. "How have you been?"

This question came out slower than the answers and Ryouma held back his wince because it was the second step back. But today was better because that meant he was going to get an actual question today, if he played it right. Well, more than the normal ones. It meant he wanted to know.

"it's still chilly out," he answered finally, gathering the spare petals. "The homework keeps me inside and I don't like it. I wish it were spring."

"Spring..." The sound of the word was akin to curling your tongue around a pretzel and it was followed up by a new question. "Colder than summer... but warmer than now? And there are petals in the air."

His heart leaped and he forced it down, only to keep a peaceful grin on his face. "Quite right, none of this snow, much more color. Like this."

Ryouma threw the dead petals like confetti and the fresh-snow gaze darted from one to another as if to catch them. But he couldn't catch them, and the disappointment was reflected there, if briefly. Only when the last reached the floor, caught by the murmuring beneath the bed, did the question-and-answer game begin again until the sky was more purple-blue than gray and he had to stand, the gift still in hand.

"Will you come back?"

Ryouma nodded gently, tracing around the covers where the other sat, not touching, never daring. "Don't I always?"

"I think you won't." The hitch of breath dissipated into the pastel walls. "If I love you, you won't come back."

The urge that welled up in his chest this time was smoldering coals. "I will, Taiki-san. I will."


	2. Twins on Opposite Sides

**_A/N:_ **Thank you remi! This one is a lot less elegant and imagery laden, mostly because in this situation, the characters aren't like that. this chapter is based on prompt 6-two.

The warnings for this chapter are: vicarious trauma implications, swearing, minor violence with mention of triggers, starvation, multiple relationships of many kinds, and that's it that I can catch.

Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

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2. Twins on Opposite Sides

"You're still going over there, huh?"

He had to love Ren and his insensitive nature. Well, actually, he didn't because the other was as bristly as the cats he kept in his house. Ryouma shook the melting water from his hair and nodded slowly, relishing in the way his friend looked at him, saw him, knew him. Then he had to scrap that because Ren had shoved him into his own front door with the grace of a dying alligator, lips casual reminders of other times and places.

He had to push him off then.

"Crack my head open, and you'll be helping him get _to _my room."

Ren chortled. "I'd never do _that_, Your Highness." Ren let him go, dancing away to the beat that tapped out of his earbuds, navy blue and mixing with his hair. "That's too much effort." Ryouma rolled green eyes at that truth and stepped after him. The small bag dangled at his wrist and he looked down at it, at the red fabric and white tissue paper. He dropped it by their shoes with a sigh and followed Ren back up to his room.

"Didn't get to give it to him?"

"I'm that see-through, am I?" He threw his drenched jacket onto Ren's head, who sputtered his indignation and scowled. Ryouma stuck out his tongue, collapsing onto his bed with a lack of dignity that would have made the others stop and turn.

Ren snorted. "Still dunno why you keep going back." He hung the wet fabric above the heater. "The old guy said whoever did that mess to him broke his brain. Kudou Taiki ain't comin' out of that train wreck."

"And I'm under the impression that that isn't true," Ryouma said with a firm click in his voice, not thinking of the constant wondering of whether or not he would have to coax an IV drip into the elder's arm tomorrow. "Besides, if that was me, wouldn't you be doing the same thing?"

"Pssh, no." Ryouma glanced at him, then threw his alarm clock to almost bounce off of Ren's blue head. "Of course I would, dumbass," Ren muttered after throwing the clock back. "I just wouldn't be all," He wrinkled his nose. _"Sentimental_ about it."

"I rather like being a sensitive young man," Ryouma shot back. "At least I have taste."

"Then get a better jacket. You almost froze to death out there."

"Hen."

"Fashion-obsessed."

"Tone-deaf."

"I'll show _you_ tone-deaf!"

The two of them wrestled on the floor, only stopping when Ren nearly bit him on the cheek. That caused them both instantly to break apart, Ren wincing, Ryouma quietly wiping his face.

"Too far?" Ren asked and Ryouma raised an eyebrow, silent to avoid the inevitable curse word spew. "My bad."

Only when Ryouma could actually speak, breaking his self-created stupor, did he answer with a hoarse, "No shit, really?"

"Not my fault the guy bit you."

"I'd appreciate if you'd not talk about it, thanks." It wasn't like Taiki hadn't tried biting about every person who had touched him without permission ever in the past two months.

Ren snorted, then helped him up. "You still punch like a girl." Then he winced, cracking his spine. "Kick like one too. Oww..."

"It's a compliment from you," Ryouma replied drily. "Since you punch like a boy."

There was a thump from the door and a slightly shrill voice called. "When the pair of you are done bonding, apparently the food's ready."

Both of them looked at each other and called together. "Yes, Mother."

Airu scowled from the other side. "I'm murdering you both in your sleep."

Ren only scoffed. "She threatens that every single time." He threw his hat on the floor. "Come on, before she poisons the fish."

Ryouma snorted and went to follow, pondering if Taiki was even eating today, if he missed eating with people at all. He had to put it aside, like he always did, because thinking about it would gain him nothing.

He hoped Taiki had anyway.


	3. The Humor's Just Not There

**_A/N:_** I really do love this story so far. Thank you to all readers and reviewers. The pairings here are mentioned loosely but are pretty much there. This chapter is for the prompt of "tickle".

Warnings: allusions to self-harm, mentions of past graphic violence, and innuendo.

Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

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3. The Humor's Just Not There

The cafe was nearly empty when he arrived there the next morning, save for the early businessmen scrambling through their mobile calendars and early college students needing a chocolate pastry before a particularly tough class. However, Ryouma sat at his table and waited, ordering the tea he needed at nine-in-the-morning. It arrived a few moments later and Ryouma awkwardly stabbed at the strawberry cake on the plate. It was a bit too early for sugar but he needed something to keep him awake.

Eventually, he started eating, in lack of something to do without losing focus. _I guess I know what Yuu is doing right now, _he thought with barely suppressed mirth. Yuu wasn't late to anything without a certain brunette distracting him, in any matter possible, a good deal of the methods physical and clingy.

The bell at the door chimed and Ryouma glanced up from his gradual decimating of strawberries and cream to smile at the arrival.

"Someone had a busy morning," he teased as the blond mussed his hair back down to something respectable. Yuu rolled his eyes.

"Don't even start," he mumbled. "Guy was a leech this morning, wouldn't let go of the sheets. We have two bedrooms in the apartment for a _reason_, you know."

Ryouma muffled a snicker. "He's just enjoying himself." _In as many ways as possible._

"How long is that going to last?" Yuu mumbled, dropping his bag in the chair. "I'll be right back. You can fill me in then."

"Have fun up there."

Yuu stuck out his tongue and Ryouma couldn't stop himself from raising one eyebrow delicately. He enjoyed bantering with Yuu, but sometimes he thought Tagiru rubbed off on him a bit much. Right down to the food that he ordered at times.

"Blueberry tart?"

Yuu had the grace to flush. "He got me addicted."

"You two are so domestic," Ryouma mused with an air to his voice. "I'm jealous."

Yuu's pale blue eyes darkened to a less bright shade of periwinkle at these words. "He's that bad, huh?"

"He's stopped digging into his arms for maggots."Ryouma spun his straw, noting the mild grimace on his friend's face. "Too graphic?"

Yuu rolled his eyes. "I've seen monsters decapitated and the like, but yes. Any other tidbits?"

"He's starting to be curious again, asking questions. He wanted to remember what spring was."

"Has he eaten?"

Ryouma gave a helpless shrug. "I'm afraid I didn't see anything pertaining to it. There was no IV drip and he was sitting up fine." He scratched his wrist. "I could just be a little too optimistic."

Yuu snorted, putting down his fork. "Still not as bad as Tagiru. He still thinks the old man has nothing to do with it." Wiping his mouth, he continued. "I swear, he can be worse than Airu."

"Only Ren is allowed to make fun of Airu," Ryouma said absently, casting a forlorn look at his empty teacup. "But I get your point. What makes you so sure?"

Yuu shrugged. "Past experience, context, dangerous situations, you know, little stuff." The look in his eyes was both in the present day and nearly five years in the past, thinking of a great battle at the end of a strange war.

"You are an elitist prick, Yuu-kun." He flicked whipped cream at the blond's nose.

Yuu only snorted, wiping it off on the back of his hand and licking it. "Tagiru usually leaves out the 'elitist' one."

"Don't compare me to him." The two of them look at each other and roll their eyes in unison. "Are you still going to come with me after classes?"

He received a nod. "Wouldn't miss it," Yuu said with a forced nonchalance. "He might recognize me this time, we never know."

"Taiki-san hasn't forgotten us, Yuu." His words were not only serious, but one-hundred percent certain.

Yuu rose from his chair, picking up their dishes and cutlery for the waiter. "When you say things like that, you really do sound like Tagiru." He grabbed his backpack. "See you later."


	4. Tip of the Glacier

_**A/N:** _Hey guys! Flaming aside, here is the update, for the prompt 5-surface. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

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4. Tip of the Glacier

He wasn't sure if he hated school or himself for continuing his education in the first place. Regardless, he was there now, tapping a pencil eraser to the rhythm of an unknown song. Once in a while, Ryouma would scribble a few music notes next to his classwork, keeping it in mind for later. He just had to wait for the bell, the stupid bell that never seemed to want to ring.

The lunch bell still seemed to be mocking, in any event.

"Are you going?"

He saw the shadow over his desk nearly half a minute after she had spoken, and groaned in mild surprise. "Akari-san, are we magically eating lunch together again?"

Akari retied her red hair into its one ponytail, looking at the spare green scrunchie she left on her wrist like one would a wristwatch, before smiling at him like he had suggested the best idea she had heard in weeks. "Afraid so, Ryouma-kun," she said brightly, or at least in as much of a chirp as possible. Ryouma guessed, by the slight crinkles at the edges of her smile that her classmates next door had royally irritated her about something or other and she needed a listening ear, while also appreciating that _he _needed one for an eventual panic attack about their friend in the hospital.

If anyone's curiosity was bursting about the friend she wasn't allowed to see, it was her. _She _was the one who had found him huddled in a puddle of blood which they weren't sure if it belonged to him or someone else.

He sighed. "Very well then. Will you kill Ren if he trails after us like a lost puppy?" Ren ticked his eyebrow and made to squirt the juice from his straw at his friend's shirt. Luckily, he missed.

"I'm not a puppy!"

"No, you're a recently bathed cat," Akari commented and Ren scowled.

"You ain't helpin' me at all, Akari," he muttered, toying with his hat. Ryouma tried his hardest not to smile and failed, earning a melon bread to his face for his efforts.

They adjusted the desks to make space for her as Ren looked around. "I'm hearing a distinct lack of Airu," he muttered as he adjusted the volume of his music, just in case.

"Harassed by the Chemistry Club," Akari reported with a snicker. Ren raised an eyebrow and then nodded, going back to his food. He didn't need to hear the report for a second time. Not that he didn't care, he just cared _less_.

Ryouma couldn't fault him for it, so he kept the explanation quick but detailed, enough that Akari and her motherly instincts could act but not react. She kept it to tearing apart pieces of sandwich and turning her onigiri into a flat triangle.

"Sometimes, I have to wonder if the Digimon were a blessing or a curse on us," she grumbled when he had finished. "At least he's responsive."

"I love how we are so sure it's the bloody Digimon," Ren said, finally pocketing his music player.

Akari raised an eyebrow. "I found him at the place where we fought Bagramon. If that's a coincidence, after Quartzmon-" She paused to let Ryouma wince. "I'm eating my other hairtie."

"Touche," Ren grumbled. "But the Clockmaker's around all the time. Like, we saw him every other week, helpin' our sorry butts look for the guy. Heck, I saw him yesterday!"

"Doing what?" Why didn't Ren _mention _these things? Ryouma would smack him later.

Ren scowled and bunched up his hat. "Had a weird light comin' from his Xros Loader was all I saw, he vanished before I could say anything." He thought it over. "Kinda looked like a tracking system."

"Like when we Hunted?" Ryouma asked, feeling a twinge of bitterness twist through his gut. He mussed that darn unruly strand of hair. "Well, the Digimon might be involved after all."

"_If _those two things are related," Ren said, grumbling the words through a mouthful of rice. Akari scowled at him, likely for his lack of manners.

"Considering the last time I saw Taiki, and the Clock Maker was in the room, Taiki threw a _vase_ at him and tried to stick one of his IV needles into the guy's throat, I think there has to be something to do with it by now."

"Well, he's stopped trying to do _that, _at least," Ryouma said with a small shiver. "Now, he's settling for hiding in the bathroom when the man's nearby."

Akari winced, and the other bell rang. "I'll keep an eye out," she said, grabbing her garbage.

"Akari-san?" She paused and Ryouma sighed. "What am I supposed to tell him?"

She smiled sadly. "We need him to come home."

_To give us some answers._


	5. Right On the Ball

_**A/N:** _Hey guys, was supposed to update yesterday but my wrist protested and thus, so did I. I probably won't be posting much else today either, just to be safe. This chapter is for the prompt "money".

There are no trigger warnings other than for this chapter, except for innuendo and allusion to kidnapping and torture and MPD. Nothing outright displayed.

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

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5. Right On the Ball

"Hey guys, sorry we're late!"

"Tagiru," Ryouma greeted. "Did you have to put your shirt back on?"

"Piss off," Tagiru said without any real venom, righting his sleeve. "Yuu was harassing me that we were late and to get out of the shower."

"That's because we _were _late, you ever lackadaisical-"

"Okay, lovebirds, shut up," Ren said crisply, grinning at the pair of them when they glared. "We're kind of in a hurry, Ryouma's in a rush to see his dreams shattered." By reflex, Ryouma tripped him for his tactlessness, continuing to walk past his cursing voice. Tagiru sniggered at him and Yuu resisted the ever-growing urge to tie him to a tree and leave him there.

"Remember, Tagiru," Yuu said dryly. "Unless you can contain the urge to not shout half of your sentences, don't talk. He hid the last time."

Tagiru had the forethought to blush and not answer. "I don't like the idea of Taiki-san hiding from anyone," he grumbled. "He never did before."

"Before he hadn't been held hostage for almost four months and tortured."

Tagiru shook his head. "He doesn't feel like Taiki-san," he insisted for what was probably the thirtieth time since late December. "Taiki-san, he, he could have handled it." He looked down and away. "He's already... dealt with a lot."

Yuu groaned, Ren rolled his eyes, and Ryouma said nothing at all.

Even Tagiru knew he was grasping at straws, but it didn't take a genius to know that denial sometimes felt easier than reality.

They didn't say anything after that until they reached the hospital. The clerk informed them he was out walking in the courtyard, and with trepidation, they went out there, each shivering in the cold. Out there, Taiki was walking over snow-covered concrete in little more than a thin hospital gown and sneakers, but barring the flush to his cheeks and nose, he didn't seem to notice. His gaze was on the falling flakes, childishly watching them fall but with the adult idea of not knowing what to do with them when they were on the ground.

"Welcome back," he said suddenly, and without meaning to, Yuu looked to see the doctor. Her eyes were on Taiki from a short distance away, like he was a dog let off of the leash for the first time. Taiki wasn't looking at them still, but he knew they were there and perhaps knew who they were in a part of his mind that wasn't cut off from his sanity. There was nothing near him to throw, but that was hardly a comfort.

Ryouma wet his lips, then said in a voice that was only caution, no quaver. "Aren't you cold?"

"No," Taiki admitted and the eyes that were like molten snow were fixed on each of them in turn. Tagiru stepped back before he could stop himself, and Taiki watched him. His own muscles unconsciously tensed at the movement and Ryouma made to stop him, but Taiki pulled away, breathing slowly. His expression coiled and uncoiled with recognition, eyes shifting from one shade of gray to another until they settled again. The group watched him puzzle through something, only relaxing when he did. "Soon it will be March," he said in the middle of the silence. "And the snow will melt."

"Yeah," Yuu agreed, not sure what he was agreeing with. "Spring."

"We became friends in the summer," Taiki continued, like he hadn't heard them at all. "I don't think we'll have to wait that long, any of us, for things to change." The person he turned to now, with that too-close calm, was not Ryouma, but Yuu. For once, Ryouma was glad it wasn't him he was looking at. "He'll come when the snow starts to melt. You'll know then, right?"

Then, as though he had been holding onto consciousness just long enough to be able to tell them that, Taiki swayed and fell backwards. The nurse moved and caught him and looked at them with dismay.

"We had to chase him in here today," she said, pulling him up. "He tried to escape the hospital." She gestured, and they saw the bandages, white gauze stained a pale red.

They all looked at each other. "Why?" Ryouma ventured to ask.

The nurse shook her head. "That old man visited him today, and whatever he must have heard or said, it must have frightened him. We only convinced him to stay by mentioning you were going to be here."

"The Watchmaker came before we did," Ren muttered.

"No," Yuu said, suddenly incensed. _"Bagramon _came here before we did."

Ryouma and Tagiru only managed to exchange glances before Yuu ran out of the courtyard.

"What is he on?" Ren asked.

"I'm afraid to find out," Ryouma admitted.


	6. Someone Else to Look At

_**A/N:** _Well then, this chapter came quickly. And also concerned me. This one is probably why I need the M rating. This one is for the prompt-detour, taken literally in this case.

**Warnings:** reference to past rape, violence, forced gender bender (it makes sense in context), amnesia, vomiting, self-harm, mind screw, and... technical cannibalism? I'm not really sure how to explain two of the things referenced in this chapter.

Try to enjoy this, but if you're disturbed, I fully understand you skipping this chapter.

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6. Someone Else To Look At

February was a blur after that, but Taiki had forgotten what months _were_ for a while, forgotten most of everything. All he knew was the time between pain and forcibly induced euphoria, a euphoria that made his skin ache and his stomach turn and his heart try to break from its chest in an effort to force it to end.

And words. Words that changed his body, spells that were warping him into someone else, something the doctors were afraid of.

He ran his fingers over his chest, feeling the bumps and shivering. The urge to dig into his arms rose, the urge to _pull them out, _yank out every strand of energy, life, data that was turning him into a-

_-You're weak, granting his wish.-_

_I needed to escape._

_-Weak.-_

He wanted to laugh at the voice in his head, or to be precise, the voice in his shadow. "You're feeding off of my despair," he whispered in a voice that was slightly higher than it had been whenever anyone had visited him. "You're eating me. Who's the weak one?"

The thing snarled and nausea rose up in his stomach as his body lurched and twisted trying to accommodate the properties in flesh in bone instead of data.

"He's looking to bring me back, right?" Beneath his bed, the creature hissed its agreement and Taiki shivered.

The doctors wouldn't come in tonight, not when there was so much beeping and so many voices tumbling in and out of-

He clapped his hands over his ears, but it just didn't stop.

Whenever they visited, the people that were his friends, the one that said she was his mother, they, they _thought _and they _felt_ and it wouldn't go away. Why?

Worry, fear, concern, love, so many kinds of love that they didn't know they had and none of it made any sense!

Why did they care? Why did it matter?

All of them wanted him to remember. To remember the past, to remember who made him this way and what he did. It didn't matter and people tried to force him to tell. When their hands grabbed his body, they were telling him _remember, remember, you're just sick and once you get better everything will be the way it was-_

But even if he remembered, it would never be the way it was.

His body wasn't going to be a 'his' anymore. It wasn't going to be _his _anymore, if it had been since back then.

Taiki couldn't grant that wish, no matter what he did.

The nausea rose and he pushed himself out of bed, managing to vomit into the toilet, a feat he was surprised his legs had let him do. The monitors beeped and he limped back, ignoring the deranged cackling at his feet.

He felt that stupid urge to cry, and it was stupid. He remembered tears were what that man had liked, no, it wasn't a man, but...

What would happen if he said who it was?

He had come so close before. He had felt what had happened when he did. They knew the answer. The blond- Yuu- had understood the answer. And then he had passed out, forgetting until Ryouma had said it.

He wanted to see the girl again. He could tell her things, and she would listen. He wouldn't have to ask questions to understand the world, she would just know. But she didn't love him, not like she seemed to want to when she had found him, all blood red and drenched on ground. She had thought her love would save him.

Ryouma was silver, and he loved him.

And for the life of him, and the one _within _him that was trying to be created, he couldn't understand _why._

The windows shook from the force of the falling blizzard, the final blizzard. Taiki raised his fingers to his mouth and bit into one, relishing in the pain, feeling Shademon's joy resonating with his body.

Then he laid back and let it all start again.

The doctors didn't know why he was becoming a girl. Taiki knew exactly why.

And he knew it was going to kill him in the end.


End file.
